Arranged marriages are prevalent in India, along with South Asia, Africa, the Middle East, Latin America, Southeast Asia and parts of East Asia. It is a type of marital union where the bride and groom are selected by a third party rather than by each other was common worldwide until the 18th century. In the modern era, arranged marriage has continued in royal, aristocratic families and ethnic minority groups in developed countries.
Such marriages are not to be confused with the practice of forced marriage. In an arranged marriage, while the meeting of the spouses is arranged by family members, relatives or friends, the spouses agree of their own free will to marry. From the point of introduction to agreeing for marriage, there is no specific time limit. From a matter of minutes, it can stretch to a few months too.
Between the engagement and the marriage comes the period of courtship. Nowadays, it is deemed to be a period of great importance to build the relationship between the bride and groom. With technological advances, being in contact is easy; and also necessary. A few ‘desperates’, pardon me for my language, refer it to be as the ‘Golden Period’ of any couple’s life. But, I, as naive as I am, do not seem to understand the hullabu behind the same.
Yes, I agree that it embarks the start of a new journey in the lives of both the boy and the girl. I second the thought, when people want to know more about each other during this period. It can be put in a way that this Courtship period, lays the foundation of every couple’s marriage. But, are marriages all about love? Or the art of love-making? Is shopping and going out on dates and showering expensive gifts the only way to tell that we care? Does being engaged to a person mean, that you HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE INSTANTLY?
Do you remember our parents telling us how we cried day & night, the first few days after we were born? Remember the tales of the great falls we had, before learning to walk? Hell, the fear of adjustment on the initial days of school & college & university. I am sure you remember the stutter before saying your first ‘I love you’.
These memories, these tales, some or the other way have been life changers. And, every time we have had a life changing experience, it has needed our time. I understand that when one agrees to marry another person (in the arranged way), they commit themselves. Once, you commit, stay committed. But, does it mean that the instant you agreed to marry, you fall in love? Indian parents teach their daughters (though I doubt the daughters’ learning in the matter) to love their husband, no matter what. A few of them do not even have any idea of relationships (yes, that is true), and bammmm they desperately fall in love. They shower you with words of love, show care like a mother, laugh at the silliest of jokes and are ready to change at your smallest nod (not all, mind you. I have kept the bitches aside for today). But, in all of the above mentioned stages, we forget to build the foundation.
Boys from my country, also are taught to just focus on the girl after the engagement. She should be the reason you live. What about work? Or studies? or hobbies? I, for once, have inked myself. It is an ambigram of the first names of my parents. But, my extended family, instead of appreciating the art, are more interested that whether or not will I ink the name of my ‘would be fiance’. This false creation of unnecessary excitement, is a big turn off, for me at least.
The foundation a.k.a. courtship of a marriage, I feel, needs to be built more on trust than love. You can love twice, but trust once broken cannot be rebuilt. The foundation of marriage should be more of friendship than of a couple. Remember it is always easy to forgive a friend than a spouse, for a mistake. One should shower the other with restrained care and managed space. I say so because, we are drawing and mingling boundaries with a new person of a different background. Restrained care and ample space for a first few days always enables the other to have more faith in you.
Let love not be a two minute noodle. Let expressing love to your fiance not be a duty. Let your love simmer and brew. Let that expression be whole and true. For, love can always happen, just give some time.
This context of arranged marriage & courtship in this blog is limited to just the interactions I have had. I know I have failed to deliver the entire picture. But, all this is rooted with my firm belief:
Within infinite myths lies the Eternal Truth, who sees it all?
Varuna has but a thousand eyes.
Indra a hundred.
And I, only two.
Entreproseur 