खुश

मुद्दतों बाद तुझे याद किया मैंने,

कमबख्त बुरा वक्त बुरी चीज़ें ही याद दिलाता है।

और वैसे भी तुम, सिर्फ बुरी नहीं थी,

बेवफ़ाई की बयार को रफ्तार देना तुम्हें आता है।

अब छोड़ भी देते हैं गुज़री बातों को,

बिन फायदे की बातें तुम्हें कहां समझ आती हैं?

और जो ये पढ़ रहे हो आप, सोचकर, कि ये मेरी कहानी है,

ज़रा गिरेबान में झांकिए जनाब, मैंने शायद आपको ही लिखा है।

अब आप कौन हैं? वो या मैं? आप जानो।

वक्त सभी को कभी न कभी बुरा बना ही देता है।

और खुश खुद से भी नहीं है कोई,

किसी और को मुस्कुराने की वजह अब कौन बनाता है?

SOMEDAYS

Some days are meant to be happy. One is happy without any particular reason. Some days are just so lively. They might be termed lovely as well.
Energetic. That’s how there are these other days. You feel you can hike the Himalayas.
And then, some days are just painful.
You miss a lost one. You close your eyes and see them smile. Smiling because you do not exist in their lives anymore. And then the spiral begins.
Was any of it true?
Was that love?
Oh my God! You are missing that person so much. You just want a glimpse of them. May be a touch. Or, just steal a kiss. Probably get back in time. Work it out, because now you know the future. ‘Cause now you are more matured than before.
And then you see a face.
May be of your spouse.
May be of your partner.
And, just may be of your child.
Sigh.
Time has passed. Rather flown.
Your cities are different. So are your destinies.
And your destiny is not to cry over something that was never meant to be.
You are destined for something great. Such greatness that they cry over losing you. They crave for you.
They miss you.
Some days are meant to act as boomerangs. They take you back enough to launch you ahead in life.
Remember, just some days.

Who is Right? – Part Two

“Dear Akshay,

I wouldn’t be writing this letter to you, if I knew what to say. For starters I want to tell you that I Love You and I believe that you love me too. But, lately I think that hasn’t been the case.

I am aware of the back bitching that you have done with Geet. I am aware of how you hate my parents. I am aware of the problems you are having with me. The loneliness you feel because of our child. Yes, I know all of that and I think you are mistaken. We love you dear. But, you shouldn’t have talked to Geet about it. You could have said those things to me instead. After all we are friends first. But, these events have shattered me. I feel so void, as if my guts have been wrenched and pulled apart from my body.

You have hurt me very badly. But, I love you so much, that I cannot even hate you and all such things make me want to hate you so very much. I just want you to know, that I know all of it, and I still love you. I request you to not involve Geet in this.

I hope we can sort it out.

Twinkle.”

I read and re-read my words again. I did not want Akshay to feel that I was condemning him, but I wanted him to know that he had hurt me very much. Folding the letter with care, I slid it in an envelope addressed to him and turned swiftly. Lo’ I bumped against him.

Akshay, my love, my husband. The father of our beautiful one month old daughter, Aaravi. The man I love the most and yet in the past few days he changed. Everything had changed. My once best friend, my first love had become in this back biting bitch. He was trying to tear apart the very family we had built together. I don’t know when had life taken this steep turn.

“Hey”, he said.

“Ouch!”,  I replied, as the letter slipped from my hand.

“Sorry, it was my fault. Wait, let me get that for you.”, he said as he swiftly picked up the letter.

As he noticed his name on the letter, he asked with widened eyes, “A letter? For me? You wrote it for me?”

“Hmm”, I stared back in his eyes.

Without waiting he tore open the envelope and read the letter in front of me. All that I wanted to avoid was not going according to my plan. I had hoped of keeping it on his study table, so that he could read it late in the night, and then probably we could have a discussion and reach an agreement. But, that did not happen.

“That’s all you got to say?”, he asked in a deep voice.

“Should I have said something more?”, I replied with a trembling voice. I felt weak yet strong. If a fight was to ensue let it be. If we argued let it be. I would do anything to sort this out and get my husband back to his senses.

“I don’t care.”, and he turned and walked away.

No discussion. No fight. No nothing. I had shaking legs and an eerie silence for company.

Two More Rounds

‘Salim, let’s go home dear. It is getting dark’, said Chaand, as she stopped an eight year old boy riding a red colored bicycle.

‘Grandma, just two more rounds please’ replied Salim, ‘and then we’ll be off.’

‘No dear, Grandpa will be arriving soon and I still need to prepare dinner. If I wait any longer, everything will be delayed.’

‘Ummm… Then you go’ he said looking longingly at his friends, ‘I’ll come home as soon as my two rounds are over. I promise.’

‘But… No… if something happens’ said Chaand still gripping the cycle’s handle.

‘Nothing will happen Grandma. Our home’s just down the lane. I’ll reach before you.’

‘But…’

‘See, the more you keep me waiting, the more late you’ll be getting’, added Salim with a mischievous smile.

‘Hmmm… okay. But just two more rounds.’

With these words, Chaand left for home.

Ten years have passed by. Salim hasn’t returned home yet. That evening, the red bicycle was found broken. It lay down the footpath. A young boy bled to death after being hurled down by a rushing car.

But, it is believed that at dusk everyday as the clock strikes six, one can hear a child’s voice pleading for two more rounds, at the edge of the park. But, what did Chaand know, of the price of two more rounds?

A letter of Loss

This letter was once written by a young man to his friend, with whom he shared the pain of having had to separate from the love of his life. Break ups are a common factors in this era, where people make out as easily as they break up. But, for people who value emotions more than any other materialistic object, they can be taxing. There is no such premise for this post, but definitely if you read it knowing the pain of loosing a loved one, this will connect.

I have deliberately edited or removed the names, so as to not cause any issues with any of my readers. Also I am posting the letter in the first person, i.e. as if to say I have written the letter.

With the hope of touching your souls and sharing your pain, there should be no hate, but just love’s gain.

“I wanted to talk to you yesterday. I was feeling really lonely. But you were having your dinner, so obviously we couldn’t talk. I was waiting for your call, which seemed like an eternity, but guess you were busy. It’ okay. I get it that you will not always have time for me. Anyways it happens all the time. So nothing new for me.

But I just thought I should tell you of all people. It’s getting difficult. Pain has surrounded me. I see no escape. When I sleep I see her. I wake up and I see her. I have no idea of what is happening. May be I am turning mad. Or I already have?

I cried yesterday. Have also had a talk with my ex. But not for a single moment, have I desired her. I don’t know if I’m single, because my system says I’m not. My heart still beats for the bitch. This heart of mine just accepts her.

All I want to know is that, why was someone allowed to call her baby? Or love? Or jaan?

Why? Why? Why?

But I know you will say it’s of no use. She says I disgust her. But I guess she thinks about me. Though it shouldn’t matter anymore. Exes should have been buried. I always knew this would be a problem. But she never agreed.
I need a friend, I need you right now. I want you to know that whatever is left of me wants to cry. Although I know I have died. I don’t know if the dead can cry. But whatever is left of me wants to. I want to cry ’cause my wife died. My child; the relationship; died and now I am no more.

I want to mourn them all. And I want to cremate them if possible.

And just so YOU know. Baby I love you a lot. Always have. Always will. Jaan ho tum meri.

Mate my wife died. My child too. I am also.
Please don’t say this to anyone. None of our friends. I can’t hurt them anymore. Not that I want to hurt you. But I know you will be able to understand this stupid mad pain more than anyone else.

Take care.
God bless you.”